I have been uninspired and lazy. I have been trying to capture this moment of creativity and expression, however in the process of doing so I have been stuck in a rut and monotony of thought. Which really should not be the case, because I have been able to engage creative people and explore new grounds within the month. Clearly, It’s not the external forces, its certainly something that is internal. I think it’s because my peers that I work with, have been moving on to bigger and better things professionally. I feel stuck in my space, partly because I don’t want to grow within the agency at this moment, nor do I just want another job sitting behind a desk. The passion I did have, has been on cruise control for a while now. I want/ need to know where else I can have an impact.
I don’t have a shortage of people that believe in me, that’s for sure. It’s just a matter of me being focused and trying to get shit done. I have been very goal oriented, however, I know that I have lost some steam since the beginning of the year, perhaps I have gotten comfortable again. Which is completely unacceptable. Furthermore, I have put way to much energy in people I shouldn’t have, which is absolutely and unequivocally my fault, which has also been draining. Strange enough, the people that have decided to invest in me, I have not treated the best. Not that I have treated them wrong or unfairly, however, I could have put way more energy and time in them to show them that their growth and maturation are just as important to me, as I am to them. Still a work in progress and it bothers me.
You wouldn’t think I have this void or lack of fulfillment, I traveled to Paris this month solo dolo. Which was truly a great time, full of Instragrammable moments. My fervor and admiration of exploring and documenting culture is an amalgamation of wanting to be a Sociologist and a knock off version of Anthony Bourdain, obviously without his production value. Watching Anthony weekly on “No Reservations” on the Travel Channel showed me an entirely new life, a life of limitlessness boundaries. The way Anthony engaged community was fearless. He shared a drink, ate a meal, talk music, get a tattoo as if he was just part of the community, but always asked questions about the community for a deeper understanding. He broke bread with legends from Kool Herc of the Bronx, Slim Thug in Houston, or share a beer with Obama in Hanoi. The few times I have traveled, I try to get the same sentiments and move with a Bourdain type mentality, never really focusing on the tourist attractions but more so my general interests and the people alike. Paris was that for me. In Paris I ate fried chicken, attended a street ball tournament, viewed the Greek goddess herself that changed the way I consume apparel… Nike… of Somathrace. Furthermore, I genuinely enjoyed the company of others that I met along the way. I’m slowly stepping into the life I wanted to live, the life that allows me to explore monuments and landscapes that were only attainable in a book or TV series. The more I see, the more I learn about myself in this world, and the people in it. When I made it to Paris, I saw the Eiffel, then I saw an Eye Full.
